


when my back is sturdy (and strong)

by firetan



Category: Amulet (Graphic Novels), Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Dimension Travel, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21614083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetan/pseuds/firetan
Summary: Sometime between Firebird and Supernova, Emily is granted a reprieve from the Void in the form of a small girl with warm green eyes.
Relationships: Emily Hayes & Trellis
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	when my back is sturdy (and strong)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Trouble Me", by the _10,000 Maniacs_.

Time in the Void is a strange, nebulous thing. Sometimes days feel like weeks, while others pass in a matter of seconds. Physical sensation is delayed and staticky, like the audio track on a really old movie.

It’s a little like dreaming, only it’s the sort of dream where you can’t wake up no matter how much you try, the sort where you can’t see and you can’t breathe and there’s always something chasing at your heels. Emily’s had so many dreams about running, about fleeing and flying. The painful irony is all too clear, every time she tries to force herself to the surface and is greeted by the sensation of fire. After all, the Void is very good at behaving all too much like the cross-fade where dreams end and reality begins.

She’s tired.

Emily’s been running and running, with no escape, for longer than she can count in a world where the sun and stars follow no logical rhythm. She’s exhausted, and slipping into oblivion is starting to seem like an awfully easy way out. She wants to go home. She wants to sleep— sleep for real, somewhere warm and safe where she can wake up to her family and friends and know things will be okay. 

She wants...

(Light.)

The world around her shifts and warps, glassy surroundings coalescing into a deceptively normal-looking park. It’s nowhere she’s familiar with, and a longer look at the trees and pond pretty much cements that this is new territory. It appears to be dusk, the sun just visible on the edge of the horizon and the moon climbing above— but time means nothing in the Void. A soft breeze rustles the foliage — clouds of soft pink flowers, in full bloom, it’s been awfully long since Emily’s seen something so lovely — and lazy fireflies drift through the air like blinking candles. Across the pond is a small wooden bridge, sort of Eastern in design with red paint peeling on the railings, and a matching bench is visible on the other bank. Koi fish, black-and-white-and-red, swim placidly beneath the surface.

It feels peaceful.

Peaceful usually means a trap, in the Void — something created to maintain the illusion of calm, of control, to make her lower her guard. But Emily can’t sense _anything_ here — not even a hint of fire and coal-smudged darkness. No other wanderers, no strange creatures more nebulous than solid, no warped worlds that twist beneath her feet. Her stone is silent for what feels like the first time in years (even though it can’t have been that long). And the Void usually uses familiarity for these sorts of snares— Emily’s never seen this place before in her life, she’s sure of it.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe in here.”

Something touches her arm, and Emily pivots on her heel to stare at the girl now standing beside her ( _she didn’t sense anything—_ ). She’s a few inches shorter than Emily, with brown hair and startlingly green eyes, and looks like she might be some sort of asian. Definitely not from Alledia, at least — though her clothes look pretty fantastical on their own, lots of bright colors and glowing pieces that would just get torn or caught in a fight. The expression on her face speaks of nothing but warmth, and Emily shouldn’t believe her, should hit-and-run-and-run-and-run—

The girl hums a bit, patting Emily’s elbow. “It’s okay. I have a barrier up— that Voice won’t be able to reach you through it.”

Finally, Emily finds her voice again, and the back of her throat tastes like ash. “You don’t know that.”

She expects the girl to frown and argue, or be afraid— the logical thing to do (and that’s rich, coming from Emily, when has she ever been the logical one). But no, the girl beams far too cheerily and grabs her hand. “You are strong in the world that has chosen you, and I am strong in the world I have chosen. It will be alright.”

Emily hears the words, but barely _hears_ them, because the moment their hands touch she’s sudden pulled beneath the surface of a literal deluge of energy that leaves her gasping for breath. Light dances across her vision and she is abruptly, shockingly aware that this girl is possibly the most powerful person she’s ever met. It's an endless sea of vitality and strength, cresting into wave after wave that washes over her and leaves her reeling in its warmth. Vigo and Trellis and Max and even the stone itself, none of them fall even close to this ridiculous expanse of— of magic, really, that has to be the only word for it— contained in the form of a teenage girl with warm green eyes.

The hand around hers squeezes briefly, and pulls her gently forward while her vision readjusts. “My name is Kinomoto Sakura. Or Sakura Kinomoto, in English. What’s yours?”

“I— Emily. Emily Hayes, I—“ They’re crossing the bridge, and she can hear the wood creaking ever-so-softly beneath her boots. “—what _are_ you?”

The girl— Sakura, maybe she’s Japanese— leads her to the little bench, gesturing for her to sit. A slight gesture from one hand brings a soft breeze, curling through Emily’s hair and brushing stray petals from the wood. It’s so unlike everything the stone has ever been.

Once Emily’s seated, Sakura smiles again. “I think the simplest word is sorcerer. There’s more magic in the world than you’d expect, Miss Emily. In the _worlds_ , really.”

“Do you mean the other planets?”

Sakura considers that before laughing sheepishly. “I’m not very good at astronomy, sorry. Maybe planets, yes! Actually, definitely planets, for sure. But I meant more like— uh, parallel universes? Dimensions that kind of live next to ours, where some things might be the same and others are different.” She grins, and Emily finds it hard to equate her immense power with such an innocent expression. “I don’t know much about them, yet. But they’re out there, along with other versions of us, living their lives too.”

Emily doesn’t want to ask, she can’t, she’s already given into that weakness too many times and yet— the words slip out, traitorous and hot. “What about people who are—“

“Dead?” The look Sakura gives her is uncomfortably understanding. “It depends. There’s a lot of stuff about fate and coincidence that I don’t really get, other than death isn’t something that can be avoided when it’s supposed to happen, you know? But it doesn’t always happen when it’s supposed to, so— yes, I think. Somewhere out there, they’re still alive.”

The way she says it sounds like familiarity, sounds like someone who knows that things can be lost. Emily swallows down embers and reminds herself to breathe. “Who— who did you lose? I— um, my Dad— we were in a car accident, when I was little, and he—“ 

Ash threatens to choke her, and the heat behind her eyes doesn’t feel anything like fire. 

A small hand pats her shoulder, and Sakura’s voice is very soft. “I’m sorry for your loss. That sounds really scary.” When Emily manages to blink her eyes clear and look up, the smaller girl is gazing out across the lake, watching the dancing fireflies. “For me... my mother passed away when I was very small, but I don’t remember her much. The scariest ones aren’t the people who are gone, but the people I almost lost. Would have lost, if I wasn’t strong enough. Sometimes I dream about what might have happened, if I failed.”

“Sometimes I dream about saving my Dad.” It feels like an admission of guilt, but the stone is quiet and Emily is so tired. “Pulling his leg out so he can escape with me and Mom.”

Beside her, Sakura hums. “Once, I almost drowned because I saw my mother in a lake like this, and I thought she was lonely and wanted me to join her.”

“My... my mom was poisoned by an arachnopod. It’s why my brother an I came to this world in the first place, to save her.”

“My sort-of mentor cast the entire city into an eternal sleep as a test for me. If I didn't break the spell, they would be trapped forever, and I would be completely alone.”

“One of the other stonekeepers took me out of my bed and used me to get to an important artifact, while keeping my friends locked up in jail.”

“I was trapped in a time loop for at least a week once. I had to do the same music test _so many times._ ”

That sounds awful in such a mundane, normal way that Emily can’t help but giggle. “I don’t even know how long I’ve been stuck in the Void. I asked Trellis— my friend, he’s got powers like mine—“ But so much more, with a patience and will she’s never quite managed to muster in the face of grief and rage, a finesse and ease she didn't even have a moment’s chance to learn, “— I asked him to find me, before the stone took over. To find me, to stop me— he’s so much better at protecting things than I am, I thought if anyone could it would be him— but he never came.”

Saying it out loud... hurts more than it should, maybe. Maybe she just hasn’t had the time to process everything that’s happened, between fighting and running and trying to breathe, but—

“He never came.”

And suddenly she’s crying, tears making trails of searing heat along her cheeks and behind her eyes, burning like hot coals and burning like shame and burning like a lot of fear that’s been bitten down for a long time. Because Emily’s scared, she’s scared of losing control and of hurting people, she’s scared of having this power that she can’t control (scared that she’ll never resist its temptation). Running and running have been her life now for months, or weeks, or seconds that stretch into millennia, and before she had people to run with but now—

(She’s so scared of being alone).

A light touch brushes against her shoulder, then her back, as Sakura's arm reaches around to pull her close in a sort of awkward side-hug. It's warm, and it takes a few moments before Emily realizes that it's not just the physical contact — the air itself feels like its grown a bit warmer, like the shift from early morning to the hour or so before noon. More magic, probably? But certainly more subtle, more innately at-ease than anything Emily's experienced.

Someone is humming, and at first she thinks it's Sakura, but— no, the sound permeates the air itself, carried on the breeze alongside those flower petals. 

Sakura doesn't say anything until the tears have mostly dried up, and she smiles softly as she helps Emily sit back up and tucks a pale yellow blanket (that certainly didn't exist moments before) around her shoulders. "You know, crying usually helps me feel less overwhelmed about things. I'm sure it still hurts, too, and that's okay." She glances off into the distance politely while Emily wipes her eyes and nose on the hem of her ragged cloak, eyes fixed on the horizon. "And even though it probably feels really scary right now, you're definitely not alone, Miss Emily."

Her throat feels hoarse and her lips taste like salt, but Emily manages to make the words cooperate. "How— how can you be so sure? Nobody's— they haven't—"

"Not for a lack of trying." There's something heavy in Sakura's eyes, a sort of understanding that doesn't match her age. "I had to look pretty deep to find you, and I'm— well, I don't know if I'm more powerful than your friends, but I think my magic has a bit more— um, flexibility? Range?" She frowns for a few moments before shrugging. "I can do a lot of things. And this place— it's strange. Dangerous, I bet, for people with stones like yours."

Emily slumps back against the bench, winding her fingers tight in the soft plush of the blanket and wishing she could bury herself in the sensation. Dangerous. Deep. Strange. They're all words to dance around the true meaning, which is that nobody will find her. Vigo— well, she's always known Vigo won't try to look. He's too important elsewhere, and not so emotional that he'd take the clear risk (not after his son). And Trellis?

Well, maybe he'd try, but nobody would let him get far enough to find her. It's too dangerous, and he's-- he's the hope for his people, he can't throw their salvation away just to find one stupid girl who gave in to her power. Like an _idiot_.

A small hand pats her on the shoulder, and Sakura waves a hand as the humming around them shifts briefly to a musical chime. "Ah, finally! It was only a matter of time, but with Dream at this range— it's okay now." When Emily looks up to meet her eyes, she smiles so wide it pushes her nose into crinkles. "I never said it was impossible, did I? I wouldn't bring you here just to do nothing. Look over there."

Mist hangs heavy over the pond, and Emily realizes she can't actually see the far bank anymore. It has to be more of Sakura's— more of her magic, surely. Obscuring where this strange refuge begins to bleed back into the Void, hiding them from everything Emily's been running from, and she didn't even realize. (That's her all over, never noticing the things that matter until someone forces her eyes open. How many times does this make, that Emily misses what's right in front of her and only stares blindly into the depths of passion? How many times now, has she only been protected by the forethought of others? For all that she thought she was powerful now, thought she could finally be the one to save and protect—)

But there's a shape visible in the mist, darkening and coalescing as it crosses the bridge, and Emily's on her feet before even a single luminous eye becomes clear. On her feet and running, running but not running away, finally running towards the sound of footsteps and the sight of an old scar stretched tight by a near-blinding smile.

_"Emily!"_

"Trellis!"

They collide in a mess of flyaway hair and reaching limbs, and Emily yelps as warm arms lift her right off the ground and into a spin (and she forces herself not to remember that her father used to do the same thing when she was still small, back before everything began). Her friend's hair smells like smoke and the temperate-rainforest scent of his stone's magic, and she can feel the laughter shaking through his chest even as the sound echoes throughout the not-park. The roughness of scar tissue brushes against her cheek, distantly familiar as it recalls a memory from one of their sleepless nights on-board the Luna Moth.

Sleepless had been more common than restful, once they left Cielis — lots of late nights stretching into early mornings, sitting together with mugs of lukewarm tea and pouring over plans, or maps, or questions that neither had the courage to ask in daylight. She'd asked about the scar, wondered at the visible texture, and Trellis hadn't been able to tell her what caused it. When she'd asked if she could touch it (curiosity, always a girl's best friend, perfect for making any possible conversation as awkward as possible), he'd blinked at her like a particularly bemused cat before shrugging and turning his head in a sort of nonverbal 'sure, why not' gesture. 

He'd explained, while she was busy brushing careful fingers along the knotted tissue, that elves tend to heal fast, but scar badly as a result. They are a survivor race, built to recover from even the most grievous injuries with adequate time and care, and come out looking none the prettier for it. Comparatively, Trellis had told her, a small facial scar was almost negligible.

Now, the memory chasing those older and darker from her mind, Emily finds herself sharply and painfully glad for it — she would take scars and marks any day, over more death. Over more bodies to find and bury.

The moment her feet touch the ground again she feels her knees give way, leaving both of them to crumple onto the stone pathway at the base of the bridge. Trellis is still laughing, out-of-breath and heady, and Emily doesn't realize she's crying again until she tastes salt on her lips. Maybe she wasn't done before, or maybe seeing a familiar face after so long spent alone has just brought it all back. Fresh lines of heat burn themselves into her skin and she buries her eyes against Trellis's shoulder, clenches her fingers tight in the fabric of his clothing and tries to bring her breathing back under control.

He's holding onto her just as tightly, laughter petering out into something far softer and shaky and almost painfully vulnerable to hear ( _feel_ ), and one hand moves to cradle the back of her head as he rests his forehead against her temple.

"I'm sorry," Emily apologizes before she's even realized she's speaking, throat almost too tight to get the words out. Her voice is muffled in the fabric of Trellis's cloak as she continues, another floodgate opened and overflowing before she knows how to stop, "I'm— _god_ , I'm so sorry, I couldn't— I was— _I gave in_ , I gave in and I couldn't— god, Trellis, I'm _so sorry_ , I'm so—"

The arms around her pull tighter as he shakes his head. "No, no, it's not— it's not your fault, Emily. It's— that's what the stone does, it takes over." Leaning back just far enough to meet her eyes, Trellis rests his forehead against hers and shakes his head again. "I'm sorry I didn't see that you were struggling sooner."

"You can't— that shouldn't have been your responsibility!"

"Who said anything about responsibility?" This time, he leans back further, arms falling back with him until his hands grasp her shoulders, firm without feeling painful. "I should have noticed because I'm your _friend_ , Emily, and I care about you."

A hiccup shudders in her chest, sharp and unpleasant, and she rubs a sleeve angrily across her eyes. "You shouldn't. I'm not— not worth that. I'm _bad_ , I'm— I'm not a good person, Trellis."

The elf rolls his eyes. "And you think I am?"

" _Yes!_ "

"Did you forget exactly how we met?" One of Trellis's eyebrows is creeping up suspiciously close to his hairline. "You know, when I kidnapped and poisoned your mother? Ring any bells?"

When she opens her mouth to protest, he cuts her off, continuing, "Look, we've all done bad stuff. You, me, Luger— even people like Vigo and your great-grandfather aren't blameless. Everyone makes mistakes, Emily. But— if there's anything I've learned from knowing you and your brother, it's that those mistakes don't define us. Just because you've done bad things, that doesn't make you a bad person."

"I'm a bad friend, then."

Trellis laughs again at that. "You do realize that almost everything I've learned recently about friendships, I've figured out from you and Navin, right? So you can't be that bad, I promise."

The panic in the back of her mind is starting to run dry, and Emily clings to it like a safety blanket — because if she's not afraid, the danger will come back that much sooner. She can't let herself relax, not even in this sanctuary, because peace is tenuous and temporary and she knows it, they all know it, they're in the middle of a goddamn war. "How— how did you even find me? I thought..."

"I couldn't, for the longest time." Standing and helping her back to her feet, Trellis looks around the not-park for the first time. "But just a bit ago, this little light appeared— not like the stone at all. And— this'll sound foolish, but I just had a feeling that I needed to follow it."

"And it led you here."

"And it led me here." He confirms, nodding, his hand not budging from where it's wrapped around hers.

Emily turns to look back at Sakura, who is still seated comfortably on the bench with a soft smile. It hardly seems possible, and yet— "Did you— did you do that?"

The girl nods. "I'm sorry it took so long."

When she speaks, Trellis starts and turns to look at her as well, eyes wide with puzzlement that quickly fades to the same wonder Emily felt when she first met Sakura. He recovers quickly, offering a shaky smile and an outstretched hand. "Thank you, then, for helping me. Us. I'm— thank you."

She shakes his hand with a bright smile. "I'm glad I could help."

"How—" It feels almost ungrateful to ask, but with a friend at her side and the painful hope beating in her chest, Emily finds herself suddenly desperate to get out of the Void once more. "—how are we going to get home, from here? The Stone is still out there, and once we leave, it'll—" Trellis's hand tightens around hers, as though he's preparing to fight.

Sakura laughs, the sound like spring. "Don't worry— I may not be able to do everything, but I can still send the two of you back safely. Look over there."

They do, turning and following the line of her finger to the middle of the bridge, where a glowing light is hovering in the air. It pulses a little like a heartbeat, which should be unnerving and yet somehow manages to feel warm and gentle instead. Everything around it looks like it's being illuminated by sunlight, despite the gentle fog filling their surroundings. Emily feels Trellis's grip shift, just for a moment, and she can tell without asking that this is the same light that lead him here.

"As long as you follow that light, and don't stray away, I can guide you back to your world." Something in Sakura's eyes shifts, and for a moment she looks every bit as somber and powerful as Emily thought she might be. "But if you wander back into the rest of this place, I can't guarantee I'll be able to find you again."

Emily swallows hard, and turns to meet Trellis's eyes. He nods, sharp, determined, and she looks back at Sakura with renewed resolve. "We'll be careful. I— thank you, Sakura. How can I—"

"You don't need to." And just like that, the girl is back to her soft smile, brown hair fluttering in a light breeze. "I just wanted to help."

Somehow, that's still difficult to understand. "Even though you didn't need to? I mean, it's not—"

_Not her world_ , after all.

Sakura shrugs, a glimmer of something in her bright green eyes. "I know, but you were in trouble, and I was able to do something. What other reason would I need?"

And— well, ultimately, Emily can't argue with that. Not when it's thanks to this girl that she's no longer alone, no longer running, finally able to stand up straight and breathe and find a way back home. She would have been able to survive on her own, she's sure, but... just surviving doesn't sound like what she wants to do. Maybe it's selfish, but Emily wants more than that.

She wants to survive, and also live. Succeed, overcome. She wants to eat dinner with friends and family, learn more about the world around her, grow past her weaknesses and mistakes.

Emily doesn't say any of that out loud, but she thinks Sakura understands anyways.

So she takes a deep breath (revels in how the air tastes clean, in the absence of the ash and grit that have coated her throat for who knows how long), and steels herself. There is a bridge out of this sanctuary just ahead, a light waiting to show her and Trellis the way back home. It won't be easy, not when there is a war awaiting her return, not when so many forces bigger than she could have ever imagined are vying for her power, for her family, for the little playing pieces that have suddenly proved themselves strong enough to fear. But nothing is every easy, and she should have known that long ago.

Nothing is easy. That doesn't mean giving up. No, when things aren't easy, that means you just try harder.

She squeezes Trellis's hand, grins as he leans down to knock his head against hers. Behind them, she knows, Sakura is smiling — she doesn't need to look to be certain of that, because it's the sort of smile you can feel on your back. Warm like the summer sun.

Nothing is easy, but that's okay. When you fall, there's nothing saying that you have to stay down.

And Emily Hayes is ready to get up and try again.

**Author's Note:**

> I... honestly don't remember where this idea came from. I think I was vaguely dissatisfied with how Supernova ended up playing out Emily's time in and then escape from the void? Man, who knows.
> 
> Anyways, here's a weird, self-indulgent crossover. Somewhat AU for Amulet, taking place between Firebird & Supernova, and taking place sometime after the Clear Card arc in Cardcaptor Sakura (which I'm just... not going to try to touch until it's closer to being done! I know CLAMP too well to think I can predict how things will go, so I'm just going to not reference any of it. Just assume this is closer to Sakura's appearance in TRC, where she doesn't need the sealing wand anymore and things are okay).
> 
> ... Please don't judge me, I enjoy a range of different series and I still am not sure why this is the crossover that decided to happen.


End file.
